there is one window in my office

During the workday I try to do as much work as possible but I seem to always find the time to play. Some of my distractions are worthwhile and keep me up to date with current events while others tell me what cats think. Whatever the distraction is, it makes the time go by quicker. There’s nothing more agonizing than watching the clock tick…slowly. Five o’clock becomes a myth that you might have heard about in early post grad.


Remember in college when you would be fighting sleep and watching the clock tick? It was a struggle just to pay attention but the clock was always working against you. You would start to doze off and then you would wake yourself up with the hilarious and embarrassing jolt. The jolt was funny because you try your best to play it off. Everyone knows you were asleep buddy, don’t swat at the air, there’s no fly. I used to pull the gotta-tie-my-shoes-right-now reaction.

So instead of staring at your monitor as if some sort of baked treat was going to pop out of it, use it to your benefit. Here are a few suggestions based on my own work distractions. I hope my boss doesn’t read this.

Let’s kick it off with some knowledge. I like to read the news every day. It keeps me well rounded. Every once and then I just use my Google Reader but to get to the nitty gritty I use three news sites.

www.thewashingtonpost.com
This is strictly news with a little flavor if you go to the Going Out Guide. No frills, just facts.

www.slate.com
Slate is part of the Washington Post company but it’s much more hip. The screenshot shows that it still contains all the news that you want and some of the fluff that makes news fun. Think of it as news in a language that won’t put you to sleep.

news.google.com
In a world where google is a verb I would fully expect Google to carry some news. It’s a collection of the most popular news for the day. It doesn’t update much during the day though so don’t go to this one that often.

Now for the funny distractions


http://icanhascheezburger.com/
Captioned cats. I shouldn’t have to say more than that but everyone needs to go through this site at least once a week. You can either go to look at cute cats or to laugh at what they are thinking. The captions ARE what they are thinking.

http://peoplewhodeserveit.com/
I really hate it when I’m walking somewhere and there is a group of people walking slower than death. This website calls that the Slow Walker Sidewalk Blocker. “You clog our sidewalks and subway platforms. You make us late and irritable. You ruin the morning before the day even starts. And one of these days, you’re going to get punched in the face. And it’s nobody’s fault but your own.” If you ever want a type of people or something that you really hate get punched in the face, then check out this site. You might share a common bond with the writers (which are hilarious, by the way).

http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/
I love this site because it is spot on. We have all overheard someone in the next cubicle or office that makes you turn your head like a beagle asking for a Beggin’ Strip. Dogs don’t know it’s not bacon. This collection of overheard conversations is worth a chuckle or two. Search by city, you might have been quoted.

Other distractions

If you ever want to lose track of your day make sure to get a Gmail account. Gmail is just AIM for grownups. You’re digitally shooting the shit with the few friends you kept up with enough to get their e-mail addresses. Anyone who doesn’t have a Gmail account hates America and progress.

www.pandora.com
If you like music then you will like Pandora. The only drawback to Pandora is the number of times I have had to give my stations a thumbs down. Overall it’ll keep you humming your favorite tunes all day. You just enter the name of an artist or song and then you’re ready to rock. Just don’t disturb your neighbors by singing any Lady Gaga. If you want to create your own playlists, try www.groovesharklite.com.

http://keubedykeu.blogspot.com/
I have just wasted 10 minutes of your day. You’re welcome. Keep on comin’ by and be a follower. It’s cool to follow.


Thanks for reading. Peace.

I forgot how to add thanks to trash tv

One of my roommates is a HUGE fan of junk TV. This is the kind of tv that makes you forget things because you are losing brain cells. The other day I walked past the tv in our living room and I'm pretty sure I forgot how to add. Now, I'm not judging anyone for watching these shows (yes I am), I'm merely saying: it would be a nipply day in Hell for me to sit down and enjoy any of these shows.

American Idol:

I'm gonna be honest, this show is more ridiculous than a Sarah Palin shopping spree. The judges on this show are caricatures. I'm pretty sure Paula Abdul died at some point but came back as a short circuited Terminator. I used to have dance parties with my sisters to her jams (I dare you to judge me). Now I look at her and fear what Skynet is up to. Does anyone remember the video of her with the cartoon wolf? It was AWESOME!

I'm not sure who that other chick is so she gets to escape me for today.

Randy was in Journey. I respect him.

Simon must have a lifetime supply of V-neck t-shirts. He has moobs (man-boobs) yet he still rocks the baby tee. Why are his arms always crossed? Maybe he is just keeping his nip nips warm. I think it's funny that he is the final word on everything. These poor insecure singers are hanging on his every word. It will be a sad sad day when I pray for approval from a 50 year old, baby Gap t-shirt wearing British man.

I'm not gonna knock the contestants, much. They get out there every week and sing their hearts out. Good for them for trying. One of my coworkers sent me clips from the two finalists and I'm impressed...with one of them. Vote for Kris.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LkPS5bC1S4&NR=1

Grey's Anatomy:

I seriously used to watch this show. You know why? 'Cause my roommate and I would have girls over to watch it with us. Everyone wins! It used to be somewhat entertaining. There was a time when this show was about the medical field. I'm pretty sure that now it's a cross between Poltergeist and General Hospital. I could be wrong, but probably not. The only difference between this show and a soap opera is the time slot. Here is a summary of what I have from hear-say.

Meredith is a doctor - Meredith loves McDreamy - Meredith almost dies - Meredith gets married.

Izzy was in a men's magazine - Izzy is a doctor - Izzy fell in love - Denny died - Izzy sees dead people - Bruce Willis is a ghost.

George is a doctor - George gets married - George has a close encounter with Izzy and probably has a three-way with a ghost.

McDreamy is a doctor - McDreamy is smart - McDreamy's ex wife is hotter than his girlfriend - Addison leaves - McDreamy settles for silver medal.

That's all I know.

The Bachelor:

If ever there was a show that made a mockery of love, it was The Bachelor. A group of gold digging women vie for the affection of a rich guy. Now here's the thing. The guy is always attractive and is rich. He must be boring as hell if he can't find a wife. "I, duhhh, I have monies. Me likes boobs. Marry?" Mr. Bachelor gets to date all of these women at once and do whatever he wants and gets away with it. Congrats contestants, you have put women back 600 years. These women are competing with each other to be used by a man with money. I think Susan B. Anthony's grave just exploded.

What really bothers me about the show is that everyone falls in love. Wait. Love? Seriously? "I spent the best two hours of my life with him. We drank Santana champagne ('cause it's so crisp) on his yacht and it was magical. Then we went below and so did he." Two hours? Love. At the end of this the guy goes home with a girl and a venereal disease.




The Hills or any variation thereof:




I can sum up my feelings for this show with a short dialogue

Hey
Hi
So last night I was all tipsy on the beach and Thad saw me.
Thad saw you?
Totally
What did he say?
He was all like, "Amber, why are you tipsy? Don't you know my hair defines my emotion."
Omg!
I know! Our relationship used to be so fetch.
What are you gonna do?
I dunno, I'll probably call Trent.
Oh, do you think you'll get back together with Trent?
Probably. He is leaving for Europe next week and I kinda wanna go.
Good call.
So what are you gonna do later today?
I dunno, probably some blow.
You're bad.
Tee hee.
I haven't eaten in 3 months.
...


Thanks for reading. Peace.

my qualms with Lost characters

My original post was going to be about something else but I just had to write about this. I understand that this is thus far a Lost-heavy blog, but I can’t help it.

Things about the characters of Lost that I can no longer stand:

Let’s start with the hero – Jack. He hasn’t actually annoyed me yet. However, my girlfriend thinks he needs a haircut. “I don’t like the hair parted off to the side. He had too much fun in We Are Marshall.”

Kate. Oh Mylanta. Will someone please shoot Kate? Please!? Why is she on the show? Anytime anyone has a plan to do anything, Kate shows up and messes it up somehow. Oh, are you going to make dinner? Well I’m going to follow you and trip on wire connected to a bomb which is gonna go off and blow up the Dharma food pantry. Oops, at least I have freckles. Ughhh. In the last few episodes Kate is either crying or is frowning. Not cute, Kate, not cute. I wish she would do everyone a favor and jump into the loving embrace of the smoke monster.

Out of all the characters Sawyer is definitely still my favorite. He is the same person he was when he arrived to the island. He got over stupid Kate (after he jungle effed her) and outsmarted Dharma and became one of their own. Anyone else would have messed this up but Sawyer did it and got to live with Juliet. Not to mention that Sawyer could take almost anyone in a fist fight.

Hurley shows up when he needs to and makes a funny comment and then fades back into the jungle with a pile of Dharma Crisps and some Cola (yummm). Does anyone else think that the Dharma vans are a perfect vehicle for Hurley? It’s like they modeled it after him. The 1970 Volkswagen Hurley.

The ever enigmatic John Locke. Wowza. I would like to say that John annoys me because no one ever knows what he is doing…but I love him. He’s like a crazy uncle who is hell bent on conspiracy theories. Oh great, here comes uncle John to tell us about his time in Roswell. Don’t let him near the steak knives.

Miles is cool. He is named after Miles Davis, what more could you want?

Ben used to annoy me. He used to annoy the hell out of me. So smug with his island knowledge. It wasn’t until John crushed his spirit that I started to appreciate Ben as just another broken soul. Do you weep, Ben? Do you weep like a willow on your goose down pillow?

Jin.is.the.man. He learned English without taking an ESL class and has totally survived on that island nearly unscathed. Other than his incessant quest to find his stupid, cheatin’ ass wife, I like him. Enjoy the picture.

Bang bang! That’s the sound of me shooting Sun. I swear if she asks “where is Jin?” one more time I’m gonna explode. We get it Sun, you’re looking for Jin. I can only imagine Sun walking around the beach at night and walking over to each group of people and saying “*sigh* I sure do miss my husband. Oh, did you know I was looking for him? ‘Cause I am. Do you know where he is?” No, Sun.

My second favorite character is Sayid. He is always there JUST when you need him. Oh shit, someone is about to shoot Jack…BANG. Sayid just shows up with guns a-blazing. He is a trained killer and really shows it. I would kill (Sun) to see Sayid and Sawyer duke it out.

Juliet. Swoon. A lot of people hate Juliet. She’s super pretentious and never really provides any useful information but there’s just something about her. I think I like her so much because Kate sucks so much. She’s the anti-Kate.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

J.J. Abrams recycles and I like it

Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle. It's cool to be green. I know it, you know it, even dogs know it. You know who really knows it though? J.J. Abrams. With his past few shows and movies I have noticed a trend - repeat actors. Let me say one thing though, that man can do no wrong. Everything I have seen directed by J.J. has been nothing short of amazing. Star Trek was like a nerdy braingasm. It kicked more ass than Uncle Phil on Jazzy Jeff. Let me stress that there are plenty of things I have not seen. Felicity, for example. Not my cup of tea but I hear good things. Well, that's what girls tell me.

A little J.J. Abrams filmography:
Star Trek, Fringe, Lost, Cloverfield, Six Degrees, What About Brian, Alias, Felicity.

Lance Reddick - Lost fans will recognize Lance as creepy Matthew Abaddon. This guy seemed to be everywhere once season 4 hit and once more in season 5. Reddick is also in the new Fox show, Fringe. I haven't seen this show or even remotely know what it's about. I just know Joshua Jackson is in it and I can't imagine it has anything to do with The Mighty Ducks so I could care less. Reddick seems to always be making the same face. I think he is actually smiling in this picture. Look at how happy he is.

Photographer: Lance, I need you to smile. Like a big smile. You just found the sweetest, cutest puppy in the world. Umm...you just fixed the economy...umm...okay. Let's try something knew. You want to kill. Hold that pose. Perfect.





Here's a real good one. Terry O'Quinn. I loved him in Old School as Luke Wilson's boss and Elisha Cuthbert's dad. For the longest time I kept confusing Terry with Randy Quaid. I don't think Terry has ever crapped in a urinal though (Kingpin). Terry started off his Abrams journey with Alias. Again, I didn't see it but I hear good things. I mean, everything Jennifer Garner has been in is good. Take Elektra for exasd;galg;. I couldn't finish typing that seriously. Terry, however, has made some awesome choices. He continued his Abrams journey with Lost. As John Locke, Terry makes you think. Most of the thoughts start off with "what the hell..." but I'll be damned if his character isn't amazing. I think you could quote anything John Locke has said by shaking a Magic 8 Ball.

Am I going to get off this island? Signs point to yes. Is Kate going to end up with Jack? Very doubtful. Is Matthew Abaddon gonna show back up to have a staring contest with Dr. Chang? You may effin' rely on it.

Extra bit of info: François Chau who plays Dr. Chang in Lost was also Shredder in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze. Uncle Phil (James Avery) was the voice of Shredder in the cartoons.

The last of this repeats gallery is Greg Grunberg. He currently stars as Matt Parkman in Heroes (not Abrams) but to his credit, he has been in more Abrams productions than anyone else. Felicity, The Catch, Lost, What About Brian, Alias, Mission Impossible 3, and Star Trek (teeny tiny role). According to IMDB, Greg and J.J. have been friends since kindergarten. I wonder if Abrams promised to let Grunberg ride his coattails in the sandpit. The most I ever promised a friend was $1,000,000 in 2010. I wrote him a check but it was to a bank where I'm no longer a customer.

Most of his movie roles are tiny like his role in Lost. He played the pilot of the flight that stranded everyone on the island and died realllllly early on (SPOILER ALERT!). Other than that he had supporting roles in Felicity and Heroes. Way to go, Greg. Way to put in 50% and bank on a friend for the other 50. 'Cause sometimes that's just good enough.





Thanks for reading. Peace.

First official post

It's Sunday night and I'm watching late night television. No, not the dirty kind. This is my first conversation with my readers (thus far, 2) and I gotta be honest - I'm pumped.