The personals never sounded so good

Craigslist is probably one of the most useful tools on the internet. I found my last two abodes on CL. Sure there’s been a murder or two but other than that you can make out like gang busters on there. Other than all of the useful sections, I think my favorite section is the personals section. Forget eHarmony and Match, CL is the way to go. So let’s go from blue links to purple ones as we peruse the CL world of love (or strictly platonic friendship).

Women Seeking Women

looking for the perfect female!! - 25 (wash d.c area)

no men !! no butches !! no couples !! no spammers !! no bs!! no assholes!! put the subjct PERFECT!! {I'AM} a 24yrs old DOM female seeking a FRIEND w/ BENEFITS or a REAL FRIENDSHIP. {I'AM} very laid back, OPEN MINDED & i have a big heart, & also caring loving. ohhhhh very very UNDERSTANDING, i consider myself to be very MATURE, but if piss me off i can be very IMMATURE if u push there. {I'AM } 420 FRIENDLY, I DRINK sometimes, party when i got somebody to chill wit. just looking for somebody to talk to on regular & cuddle wit or just {wateva u like} { I'AM} 5'4 & 195 LBS THICK KINDA SHORT if dnt like it keep movin . I CAN SEND YOU A PIC IF YOU DO THE SAME , PIC FOR A PIC FEMMS ONLY........................................... WAITING TO HEAR FROM LADIES

1) Why are you yelling? Is the perfect female deaf? You forgot to include “MUST BE hard of HEARING” in your description.
2) I’AM? What language is this from? There’s I’m and then there’s I am.
3) {wateva u like} Why is this in parenthesis? You had a solid flow with that sentence but all of a sudden you started to write the script for a play and you decided to add: just looking for somebody to talk to on regular & cuddle wit or just (aside, edge of stage, lights dim) wateva u like.

This is probably what our friend looks like:
Women Seeking Men

God fearing - 45 (Baltimore)

God fearing, Born-again Christian, professional, with no children seeks Born-again Christian, professional, approx. my age, marriage minded. No Catholics. Serious inquiries only.

1) Whoa. This person in intense. God must be the bully down by the aquarium.
2) What if I haven’t been reborn as a Christian? What if I was just born once?
3) Catholics don’t fear God. They fear homosexuals.
4) To be with this woman I have to be a 40-50 year old Christian who died and was born again, not Catholic, and with marriage on my mind. I would have to be Jesus’ older brother, Jeff.

Jesus and Jeff promoting synergy.

Men Seeking Women

I am Sexy ,handsome, black wtf do i need a black woman for. - 29 (md )

Well i dont need a black woman, thats like kanye west in a Ford escort, or bill gates in a Geo metro, i got high standards, i can from a high class family, i have big time goals, i need a woman by my side that can bring alot to the table too, independent woman. i am 6'2 225 pounds, i wear business suits and i like to party on the weekends and cut loose. i like Spanish women from spanish , high class families and countries no Mexican women, or women from central America no women from Dominican republican there black. no black brazilian women, no women with 3, -4 baby daddies is you have more than one child to the left to the left,


1) My friend, you made me laugh out loud. Well done.
2) Bill Gates, I’m happy for you and I’mma let you finish driving, but Kanye West drives a Ford Escort and that’s the best car of all time! OF ALL TIME!
3) Spanish women from Spanish? That’s like going to McDonalds and ordering a hamburger from hamburger. He is also not a fan of Republicans who are Dominican. DEMOCRATIC WOMEN ONLY.
4) This guy ended his personal with poor math. Women with 3 – 4 baby daddies = -1 women with a baby daddy.


Thanks for reading. Peace.

The setting of summer and the rising of fall (Part 1)

Yesterday marked the first official day of my favorite season. Football, TV shows, and the days of spending way too much time making an awesome costume for Halloween are back. Soon we’ll start exchanging green (not money) for orange, yellow, and brown. Time to trade in your hipster t-shirts and summer dresses for sweaters. Thanksgiving’s delicious smells lurk around the corner with St. Nick’s jolly ass ho-ho-hoing just a few steps behind. Hold your main squeeze close or find a squeeze to warm up next to (or a few).

I want to take some time and reflect on summer, though. Pay it a little homage. Most, if not all, of us haven’t had a serious summer break in years. No one ever sang, “woooooorks out forrrr SUMMER.” There’s something that’s etched into all of us from kindergarten pushing us to do more in the summer. Personally, I had a great summer. It had some major ups and downs but overall, it was a summer I’ll never forget. So raise your glass of Oktoberfest and pour out a little for our friend Summer Ale.

Let’s take a step back and look at this past summer both personally and on a broad scale.
June 21st. First day of summer.

I had just been given notice of my layoff. You wanna know what checked out is? Try being given a layoff notice a month before your last day. “I can do this tomorrow.” Working at a non-profit, I knew the risk. I was just trying to save the world one immigrant at a time. In the end, an ESL non-profit by the name Hogar (home in Spanish) fired it’s only Hispanic, male employee. Yikes. Thankfully, I had some solid support. I can honestly say that without my girlfriend pushing me, I would’ve been sunk. Some words of confidence really go a long way. Within a few weeks a got a new job. I’m working for the man but the man is taking care of me. Obama is doing some good things in the Casa Blanca.

For all of those Obama haters I want you to take a moment and think about the surplus/deficit reduction that Clinton left us with. In the next eight years it was pissed away by this guy:

The U.S. gave Bush eight years to make a joke out of it. Obama has been in office for nine months and has already been called a failure. Cut the Prez some slack, or at least give him eight years before you chant ,“na na naaaa na, na na naaaa na, hey hey hey, goodbye,” like we all did while Bush flew away on his helicopter at Inauguration.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

I'd get in a fight for you, bro.

The bromance is an ulimately beautiful relationship. I have had many a bromantic relationships, each with their own degree of devotion. Some I've had since middle and high school and some from college or even the time after. One question I have been pondering is, when does your buddy go from being a friend to being your bro? It's not like there is an established amount of time before you can move to the next "stage." For me, it's simple. I can trace the moment in almost every bromance where I have said, "I'd get in a fight for you."

I'm not a big guy. I could probably take a medium size guy that's getting over the flu....or the plague. Why that, though? Why is THAT the defining moment for me? I'll tell you why. That's the moment when I would endure physical harm to help out a friend. Sure, you can help friends move. You can be their wingman at the bar. Nothing tops enduring a punch in the face by a guy who has 4 inches on you and is taller. Aristotle said, "It is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends' sake that are most truly friends..." No one wants to watch their bro get his ass handed to him.

A few weeks ago I was at a bar with my girlfriend and her best guy friend from high school. We have all hung out a few times and this guy has become more than just my girlfriend's buddy, he's a friend (aw). Well, 7 or 8 beers into the night we decide to go to Ben's Chilli Bowl. Delicious, I know. A girl and her boyfriend are in line and the girl is clearly checking my buddy out. I'm talking eye-fucking the shit out of him. I say to my buddy, "that girl is totally checking you out." He's incredulous. "Dude, she is all about you. Screw her boyfriend, I'd get in a fight for you." Yeah, this was the booze talking for sure, but with that statement I had solidified a new phase in how I thought about my buddy. He became a bro.

This need to step up and be a man for your bro is as old as history. When Jesus was about to be captured Peter drew his sword and cut a guy's ear off. He cut his ear off. One more time, he cut his EAR off. If that's not stepping up to the plate for the Boston Bromantics, I don't know what is. In Romeo and Juliet when Romeo is actin' a fool for Juliet, Mercutio steps up and defends Romeo's honor. Sure, he curses both houses but only because he felt betrayed by his best bud. In Top Gun (yes Top Gun) you can find one of the most awesome homosocial pairing ever. Maverick and Goose. Would YOU step up and sing karaoke with a friend so he could get laid? Hopefully. Sure it's not physical harm, but it's pretty close.

I asked my best friend, "hey man, when into a friendship would you get into a fight for the guy?" He couldn't give me a solid response but he did say something really important about telling a guy you would fight for him. He said, "don't throw it around all willy nilly." He's right. I've only said to the guys I'm still friends with. So if we're just kinda friends and you're about to get into a fight I'll buy two beers. One for you after the fight and one for me as I watch you get decked by Frank the Felon.

Thanks for reading. Peace.