A week in my life

Welcome to DC. Let’s take a tour (with the help of my iPhone camera) of what an average week is like in my shoes.

Yoga

Working at my company has a lot of perks. We’re actually pretty spoiled. Recently we started a new wellness initiative – yoga. Every Wednesday a few of us (the few brave enough) change into our workout clothing, grab our yoga mats (or towels), and post up in a conference room. The room itself is dimly lit and the shades are drawn. It’s just enough darkness to get you to relax but just enough light to see your coworker’s asses.

For the next hour you immerse yourself in serenity and trying to not make an ass of yourself. I’ll give some of my…larger…coworkers credit, though. They really throw themselves out there trying to get their fitness on. I will say this: yoga with coworkers is like pooping in the stall next to a coworker. No one you conduct business with on a day-to-day basis wants to hear/see you try that hard.

Farting at a red light

The other day I’m on the way to work and I have my headphones in and the jams are pumping. Listening to music on the way to work is awesome because it’s like your own little soundtrack. My soundtrack that morning happened to include a LOT of *NSYNC.

I was about three blocks from work and I stop at the crosswalk in Logan Circle. Without any hesitation I let one rip. This fart made my slacks blow in the wind. I had my headphones in so I couldn’t hear it, but I bet the girl standing next to me did. Just me and her standing at the intersection of Turtle Head Road and Flatulence Street.

The next 14 seconds were a battle of who would laugh or would we pretend like it never happened. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and she did the same to me. The light changed and we went on our merry way. I made sure to walk a few steps behind her.

Street clothing

I have a theory about the city of DC: if you walk through the city for one full day, you will find enough clothing on the street to assemble at least 8 outfits.

First class plumbing

Brought to you by Pepsi?

This guy:

Makes me want this:

New DC metro will melt pizzas! DELICIOUSLY DANGEROUS!

This is Cat

crank up your volume to get the full effect

I moved into a house in Shaw last October and thus far, I’m loving it. The people are cool and the location is fannnntastic. I think the best part of the house is Cat. She is what her namesake states…a cat. Probably the greatest cat there has ever been. She’s super affectionate, loving, and quirky. When my roommate rescued her she was super malnourished and had a bevy of health problems. While she is significantly healthier now, she still sounds like an 80 year old smoker. I captured this video of bath time to explain what I mean.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

Hello/Goodbye

This past weekend I went down to Richmond to visit my two best friends. I decided to take the train down, which was the worst idea ever, but that’s another story. I got off the train and followed the flow of travelers to the station. As I walked through the doors of the station I saw something that truly moved me. A mom spotted her daughter and started to cry. They both ran to each other and hugged as if a wave of emotion had swallowed them.

“And airports, see it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home
In hand, a single rose”
– Wheel, John Mayer

There’s never more emotion in any situation than there is in a hello or a goodbye. Try to imagine the last person you said goodbye to in your life. I’m not talking, “catch ya later.” I’m talking, “I’ll miss you terribly because this may or may not be the last time I see you.” That kind of goodbye is gut wrenching. It twists at your insides and breaks your heart because you went from a life where this person was there and now they just aren’t. Maybe it’s not even as serious as that. It could be that you don’t see the person for a month, six months, a year. The time doesn’t really matter, it’s the effect.

Hello operates in much of the same way. It’s like discovering your favorite song all over again. There’s an emptiness that is filled with a smile and a hug. When I went off to school my mom would cry whenever I would leave after a visit. I probably went home every three months or so but for her, for three months, she wasn’t complete. Sappy, I know. We don’t really think about it on a day to day basis because why would we? Most of us can carry on without the thought of leaving the ones we love anytime soon.

This past weekend a nine-year-old boy was shot and killed in D.C. He was inside of his house when the would-be robber fired through the door. This story touched me so deeply because it brought tragedy home. Much of his family life was a lot like mine growing up. His family is from El Salvador and they speak just enough English to make it in the U.S. The tragedy made me appreciate my upbringing so much. What would my parents have done? There was a cultural and language barrier. Grief, however, is the same in any language.

“We are grown
but cannot see
Lost our world of make believe
simple times now seem so far
used to be in my backyard
yeah the world was still in my backyard”
– We Are Okay, Joshua Radin

The next time you see someone you love, give them a real hello. Not a “hey” or a “sup?” I don’t care how socially awkward it is, but take that person, pull them close and say “hello” like you mean it. You might not get the rush of emotion that the girl and her mom got at the train station. You might not feel anything at all. For a moment, though, if only for a moment, you will have loved well. I think that’s the point of this rambling.

Maybe it’s the season or the approaching holidays, but I challenge everyone reading this to love well. Don’t limit it either. Don’t just give all of your love to your significant other or your best friend. We are rich in love despite our lack of using it. Loving well is overseeing the things that annoy you and embracing them as the quirks of who someone is. Loving well is calling back. Loving well is getting to know the little things. Loving well is consistency. Love well.

“I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.”
– The Luckiest, Ben Folds Five

Thanks for reading. Peace.

Spam truth

Raise your hand if you love spam e-mail. Put your hand down, don't be an ass. Well, I get about 20 spam e-mails a day. My filter seems to catch it all but every once and then I like to take a look. I have to say, these spammers do a pretty good job at creating subjects and content. Some, however, are the most nebulous e-mails ever. In honor of these delightful spammers I have decided to add pictures to their glorious words. The next few pictures are my artist interpretation of the subjects of actual spam e-mails in my spam folder.

now ready to give all info
natural powers will rejuvenate your health and looks, no cost trial

from: bryan meeks
what do you think
can we chat on messenger...

Thanks for reading. Peace.

Comments

Hey everyone. It was brought to my attention that you can't comment on my blog anymore because of the word verification formatting. I took it out and now you can just go straight to commenting.

The setting of summer and the rising of fall (Part 2)

I started my new job at the end of July. In late August was my first big kid vacation. Me and the lady friend loaded up the car and took one of the best.trips.ever.

Phase 1) We drove up to Connecticut to visit Elizabeth’s cousin (with child) and her husband (not preggers). It was a great time had by all. During our beautiful stay in CT we were introduced to one of the greatest inventions of alllllllllllll time (much greater than sliced bread, ‘cause honestly, someone just took a knife to a loaf). Summer Beer. This drink will put you on your ass.

Summer Beer:
5 beers
1 can of frozen lemonade concentrate (if you use pink lemonade it’s called “the pink panty dropper”)
Vodka
In a pitcher, mix the frozen lemonade and the beer. Fill the empty lemonade concentrate can with vodka and pour into the lemonade mix. Badda bing, badda boom.

Phase 2) We drove up to Boston. I have wanted to see Boston for the longest time. The weather was perfect, the sights were awesome, and the beer was delicious. If you’ve never gone to Boston to take a Sam Adams brewery tour you haven’t lived. Everything inside of me wanted to find Casey Affleck and tell him not to jerk off my little league glove. Either that or shoot Tom Brady.

If you ever wanna take a quick weekend trip, go to Boston. There’s more than enough to do in a weekend and I guarantee you will have a blasty blast.

Phase 3) Maine. I haven’t traveled in the U.S. as much as a lot of people, but I will say that Maine is the greatest state. It’s a whole different culture up there. It seems like everyone is on vacation all the time. No one is yelling, no one is in a rush, no one is honking their horn. By the way, I wish I could design a device to put in car horns for DC drivers. Anytime they use the horn more than one time consecutively their steering wheel immediately spray paints a clown mask on the driver. Congrats, now you look like a clown, jack-ass.

We camped in Bar Harbor for about 4 days in The Black Woods campground. We ate lobster, blueberry pie, drank summer beer, went kayaking along the harbor, went hiking, went to a small brewery, ate ice cream, made lots of fires, and went to the same coffee shop in town about 4 times. Go to Maine.

Sadly the vacation came to an end on the rainiest day of the week. We woke up Saturday morning and it was raining. Not too heavy, but it was definitely coming down. We packed up the car and made the 14 hour drive home. Six hours of that drive were in solid rain. I would gladly take that to relive the vacation, though.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

The personals never sounded so good

Craigslist is probably one of the most useful tools on the internet. I found my last two abodes on CL. Sure there’s been a murder or two but other than that you can make out like gang busters on there. Other than all of the useful sections, I think my favorite section is the personals section. Forget eHarmony and Match, CL is the way to go. So let’s go from blue links to purple ones as we peruse the CL world of love (or strictly platonic friendship).

Women Seeking Women

looking for the perfect female!! - 25 (wash d.c area)

no men !! no butches !! no couples !! no spammers !! no bs!! no assholes!! put the subjct PERFECT!! {I'AM} a 24yrs old DOM female seeking a FRIEND w/ BENEFITS or a REAL FRIENDSHIP. {I'AM} very laid back, OPEN MINDED & i have a big heart, & also caring loving. ohhhhh very very UNDERSTANDING, i consider myself to be very MATURE, but if piss me off i can be very IMMATURE if u push there. {I'AM } 420 FRIENDLY, I DRINK sometimes, party when i got somebody to chill wit. just looking for somebody to talk to on regular & cuddle wit or just {wateva u like} { I'AM} 5'4 & 195 LBS THICK KINDA SHORT if dnt like it keep movin . I CAN SEND YOU A PIC IF YOU DO THE SAME , PIC FOR A PIC FEMMS ONLY........................................... WAITING TO HEAR FROM LADIES

1) Why are you yelling? Is the perfect female deaf? You forgot to include “MUST BE hard of HEARING” in your description.
2) I’AM? What language is this from? There’s I’m and then there’s I am.
3) {wateva u like} Why is this in parenthesis? You had a solid flow with that sentence but all of a sudden you started to write the script for a play and you decided to add: just looking for somebody to talk to on regular & cuddle wit or just (aside, edge of stage, lights dim) wateva u like.

This is probably what our friend looks like:
Women Seeking Men

God fearing - 45 (Baltimore)

God fearing, Born-again Christian, professional, with no children seeks Born-again Christian, professional, approx. my age, marriage minded. No Catholics. Serious inquiries only.

1) Whoa. This person in intense. God must be the bully down by the aquarium.
2) What if I haven’t been reborn as a Christian? What if I was just born once?
3) Catholics don’t fear God. They fear homosexuals.
4) To be with this woman I have to be a 40-50 year old Christian who died and was born again, not Catholic, and with marriage on my mind. I would have to be Jesus’ older brother, Jeff.

Jesus and Jeff promoting synergy.

Men Seeking Women

I am Sexy ,handsome, black wtf do i need a black woman for. - 29 (md )

Well i dont need a black woman, thats like kanye west in a Ford escort, or bill gates in a Geo metro, i got high standards, i can from a high class family, i have big time goals, i need a woman by my side that can bring alot to the table too, independent woman. i am 6'2 225 pounds, i wear business suits and i like to party on the weekends and cut loose. i like Spanish women from spanish , high class families and countries no Mexican women, or women from central America no women from Dominican republican there black. no black brazilian women, no women with 3, -4 baby daddies is you have more than one child to the left to the left,


1) My friend, you made me laugh out loud. Well done.
2) Bill Gates, I’m happy for you and I’mma let you finish driving, but Kanye West drives a Ford Escort and that’s the best car of all time! OF ALL TIME!
3) Spanish women from Spanish? That’s like going to McDonalds and ordering a hamburger from hamburger. He is also not a fan of Republicans who are Dominican. DEMOCRATIC WOMEN ONLY.
4) This guy ended his personal with poor math. Women with 3 – 4 baby daddies = -1 women with a baby daddy.


Thanks for reading. Peace.

The setting of summer and the rising of fall (Part 1)

Yesterday marked the first official day of my favorite season. Football, TV shows, and the days of spending way too much time making an awesome costume for Halloween are back. Soon we’ll start exchanging green (not money) for orange, yellow, and brown. Time to trade in your hipster t-shirts and summer dresses for sweaters. Thanksgiving’s delicious smells lurk around the corner with St. Nick’s jolly ass ho-ho-hoing just a few steps behind. Hold your main squeeze close or find a squeeze to warm up next to (or a few).

I want to take some time and reflect on summer, though. Pay it a little homage. Most, if not all, of us haven’t had a serious summer break in years. No one ever sang, “woooooorks out forrrr SUMMER.” There’s something that’s etched into all of us from kindergarten pushing us to do more in the summer. Personally, I had a great summer. It had some major ups and downs but overall, it was a summer I’ll never forget. So raise your glass of Oktoberfest and pour out a little for our friend Summer Ale.

Let’s take a step back and look at this past summer both personally and on a broad scale.
June 21st. First day of summer.

I had just been given notice of my layoff. You wanna know what checked out is? Try being given a layoff notice a month before your last day. “I can do this tomorrow.” Working at a non-profit, I knew the risk. I was just trying to save the world one immigrant at a time. In the end, an ESL non-profit by the name Hogar (home in Spanish) fired it’s only Hispanic, male employee. Yikes. Thankfully, I had some solid support. I can honestly say that without my girlfriend pushing me, I would’ve been sunk. Some words of confidence really go a long way. Within a few weeks a got a new job. I’m working for the man but the man is taking care of me. Obama is doing some good things in the Casa Blanca.

For all of those Obama haters I want you to take a moment and think about the surplus/deficit reduction that Clinton left us with. In the next eight years it was pissed away by this guy:

The U.S. gave Bush eight years to make a joke out of it. Obama has been in office for nine months and has already been called a failure. Cut the Prez some slack, or at least give him eight years before you chant ,“na na naaaa na, na na naaaa na, hey hey hey, goodbye,” like we all did while Bush flew away on his helicopter at Inauguration.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

I'd get in a fight for you, bro.

The bromance is an ulimately beautiful relationship. I have had many a bromantic relationships, each with their own degree of devotion. Some I've had since middle and high school and some from college or even the time after. One question I have been pondering is, when does your buddy go from being a friend to being your bro? It's not like there is an established amount of time before you can move to the next "stage." For me, it's simple. I can trace the moment in almost every bromance where I have said, "I'd get in a fight for you."

I'm not a big guy. I could probably take a medium size guy that's getting over the flu....or the plague. Why that, though? Why is THAT the defining moment for me? I'll tell you why. That's the moment when I would endure physical harm to help out a friend. Sure, you can help friends move. You can be their wingman at the bar. Nothing tops enduring a punch in the face by a guy who has 4 inches on you and is taller. Aristotle said, "It is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends' sake that are most truly friends..." No one wants to watch their bro get his ass handed to him.

A few weeks ago I was at a bar with my girlfriend and her best guy friend from high school. We have all hung out a few times and this guy has become more than just my girlfriend's buddy, he's a friend (aw). Well, 7 or 8 beers into the night we decide to go to Ben's Chilli Bowl. Delicious, I know. A girl and her boyfriend are in line and the girl is clearly checking my buddy out. I'm talking eye-fucking the shit out of him. I say to my buddy, "that girl is totally checking you out." He's incredulous. "Dude, she is all about you. Screw her boyfriend, I'd get in a fight for you." Yeah, this was the booze talking for sure, but with that statement I had solidified a new phase in how I thought about my buddy. He became a bro.

This need to step up and be a man for your bro is as old as history. When Jesus was about to be captured Peter drew his sword and cut a guy's ear off. He cut his ear off. One more time, he cut his EAR off. If that's not stepping up to the plate for the Boston Bromantics, I don't know what is. In Romeo and Juliet when Romeo is actin' a fool for Juliet, Mercutio steps up and defends Romeo's honor. Sure, he curses both houses but only because he felt betrayed by his best bud. In Top Gun (yes Top Gun) you can find one of the most awesome homosocial pairing ever. Maverick and Goose. Would YOU step up and sing karaoke with a friend so he could get laid? Hopefully. Sure it's not physical harm, but it's pretty close.

I asked my best friend, "hey man, when into a friendship would you get into a fight for the guy?" He couldn't give me a solid response but he did say something really important about telling a guy you would fight for him. He said, "don't throw it around all willy nilly." He's right. I've only said to the guys I'm still friends with. So if we're just kinda friends and you're about to get into a fight I'll buy two beers. One for you after the fight and one for me as I watch you get decked by Frank the Felon.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

The state of people

I’m going to try a new entry set in this blog. I’m not sure where it will go but my mission is to move people to action. I’m not trying to change the world, but I wouldn’t mind changing an attitude or two. The State of People will focus on the good and the bad I physically see in the world. It will probably be a little more serious than my other blog entries so don’t expect a lot of laughs. I will, however, ask for the readers to reach out and share. Harmony takes more than one note.

Setting: Tuesday morning, metro

Time: 9ish

As I pass through the gates at the metro I approach the escalator. I’m standing behind two women. Both in their late 20s, early 30s. In front of them is a man holding his daughter’s hand (maybe 4 years old) and his other daughter’s hand (maybe 3) with his other hand. Hanging off his chest and shoulders is his newborn baby boy (twin 1). He is tucked away in one of those baby koala pocket thingys that makes you look like you should be on a Sacagawea dollar. In front of Dad is Mom. She is carefully moving a stroller down the escalator with the other newborn (twin 2). Needless to say, this little family is taking up the width of this escalator. Also, the escalator has stopped to conveniently become stairs.

The first thing I hear is, “you gotta be kidding me.” Woman A, we’ll call her Lucy, is rolling her eyes and pointing. Woman B, we’ll call her Sandra, is trying to inch around one of the 3 year old girls. The girl isn’t budging, ‘cause she’s not about to let go of Dad’s hand and Dad is making sure Mom and the baby get down safely. John and Kate plus 8 (-4) is slowly moving down the escalator when Sandra says, “can you please hurry up.” Lucy chimes in, “seriously, we need to get to work!” Dad remains cool and responds with, “I’m moving as fast as I can but it’s hard to move the whole family down the escalator.”

For the next 2 minutes the women berate Dad and tell the family how they should be moving down the escalator. Not only that, but others have joined in at this point. “You should’ve taken the elevator.” “We’re only in town visiting and we weren’t sure where the elevator was.” Mom is yelling back and just trying to defend her family.

Okay, a few things. I know the elevator isn’t hard to find. I know how annoying it can be to miss your train. I know that no one likes to be late for work (if they get in trouble for it). What, however, makes these two mega bitches think that it’s okay to yell at ANYONE as they are holding not one, not two, but three children? Watching these little girls stare at these women who are yelling at their dad was heart breaking. Also, if you’re so eager to point out the elevator, why aren’t YOU on it? I know it must be hard walking around in heels that could sink a ship with a bun so tight that your eyelids haven’t closed since 2003, but come the eff on. Yelling orders isn’t getting anyone anywhere.

Let’s suppose for a second that Lucy and Sandra were worried about missing their train. Uh oh, better catch it; there will NEVER be another train AGAIN. This was the Blue and Yellow line at Pentagon City. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an actual delay in Pentagon City. Now let’s suppose they were running late. They get to their office and the world hasn’t ended. Their bosses ask, “why are you late?” “I stopped to help a family get down the escalator.” When, if ever, will you get a slap on the wrist for helping a family of tourists? Maybe your boss is a monster that eats babies but I think you might be safe. Also, if your boss is pissed at you for being 5 minutes late for helping some children, well…you need a new job.

As the train arrived I helped the family carry on some of their million strollers. Mom looked at me with beads of sweat on her forehead and a look that said “I slept for 2 hours last night,” and thanked me. I could tell the gratitude wasn’t for helping her move the strollers, but because I wasn’t an asshole.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

I bet Jesus flew when no one was looking

Can you imagine how bored Jesus must have been just walking around on Earth? As God he could do anything he wanted, including but not limited to: flying, x-ray vision, super strength, invisibility, telepathy, shape shifting, teleportation, regeneration, telekinesis, super speed, and time travel. The thought of this led me to google "jesus flying." The result of this search is nothing short of astounding. There are so so so many pictures of Jesus on the internet. The best of those pictures aren't found in religious settings like one would imagine. Let's take a journey. We'll call it a walk of faith.

Here we have astronaut Jesus. Not only is he going to die for your sins, but he's going to fly to an asteroid with Bruce Willis to stop it from killing us all. Yippee kay yay, Jesus. If I were Jesus I would have asked for the non-Ronald McDonald space suit. Hope you got some chicken nuggets for the ride.

Let me set up a scene for you. Da da daaaa da daaa, da da daaaa da daa, da daaaa daaaa daaa daaaaaaaaaaa (Jurassic Park theme). The paleontologists arrive to JP as well as the kids. "You bred raptors?" Uh oh. T-Rex eats a goat. Jeff Goldblum is an idiot. Raptors start wreaking havoc. Jesus shows up and cuddles. Pterodactyl. Fin.

The last thing Jesus wants is your weak shit. Don't ball with Jesus unless you're ready to put up some points. Oh you wanna shoot on Jesus? STUFFED! What's funny is that the kids in this picture are laughing while Jesus crushes their hoop dreams. Bring the noise or take your weak ass home. Amen.

Oh hey Jesus. Looks like that cat has a longer reach than you do. The biggest difference in this picture is that Jesus is telling the world how much he loves it and the cat is saying "my nap was thiiiiiis long." You are a true prince, little cat.

There is nothing more hardcore than karate with guns. Trumped. There is nothing more hardcore than karate with guns yielded by the Lord. This Easter. The king of kings descends to hell only to come back as a grammaton cleric. Shoot not, lest ye be shot. Don't even think about bleeding on his white suit.

I pity the fool that thinks he can score on Jesus. Somewhere between the Vulcan death grip and the razor sharp halo, your ball will be destroyed. He doesn't even need a scrunchy to keep the hair out of his eyes.

Somewhere in Texas, George Bush has this hanging on his mantle. When we need a hero we call on Republican Jesus. He comes equipped with an automatic rifle, a confederate flag, and a fleet of jets at his command. He will shoot you faster than you can say gay marriage. RJ looks to the future of mankind with one eye on gas prices. Don't ask for a war unless you want this bad ass kicking down your door. With Chuck Norris has his first general, RJ is going to bomb everyone with the ferocity of a thousand Walmart moms.

There is absolutely nothing that needs to be said about the awesomeness of this picture.

Even cats love Jesus.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

there is one window in my office

During the workday I try to do as much work as possible but I seem to always find the time to play. Some of my distractions are worthwhile and keep me up to date with current events while others tell me what cats think. Whatever the distraction is, it makes the time go by quicker. There’s nothing more agonizing than watching the clock tick…slowly. Five o’clock becomes a myth that you might have heard about in early post grad.


Remember in college when you would be fighting sleep and watching the clock tick? It was a struggle just to pay attention but the clock was always working against you. You would start to doze off and then you would wake yourself up with the hilarious and embarrassing jolt. The jolt was funny because you try your best to play it off. Everyone knows you were asleep buddy, don’t swat at the air, there’s no fly. I used to pull the gotta-tie-my-shoes-right-now reaction.

So instead of staring at your monitor as if some sort of baked treat was going to pop out of it, use it to your benefit. Here are a few suggestions based on my own work distractions. I hope my boss doesn’t read this.

Let’s kick it off with some knowledge. I like to read the news every day. It keeps me well rounded. Every once and then I just use my Google Reader but to get to the nitty gritty I use three news sites.

www.thewashingtonpost.com
This is strictly news with a little flavor if you go to the Going Out Guide. No frills, just facts.

www.slate.com
Slate is part of the Washington Post company but it’s much more hip. The screenshot shows that it still contains all the news that you want and some of the fluff that makes news fun. Think of it as news in a language that won’t put you to sleep.

news.google.com
In a world where google is a verb I would fully expect Google to carry some news. It’s a collection of the most popular news for the day. It doesn’t update much during the day though so don’t go to this one that often.

Now for the funny distractions


http://icanhascheezburger.com/
Captioned cats. I shouldn’t have to say more than that but everyone needs to go through this site at least once a week. You can either go to look at cute cats or to laugh at what they are thinking. The captions ARE what they are thinking.

http://peoplewhodeserveit.com/
I really hate it when I’m walking somewhere and there is a group of people walking slower than death. This website calls that the Slow Walker Sidewalk Blocker. “You clog our sidewalks and subway platforms. You make us late and irritable. You ruin the morning before the day even starts. And one of these days, you’re going to get punched in the face. And it’s nobody’s fault but your own.” If you ever want a type of people or something that you really hate get punched in the face, then check out this site. You might share a common bond with the writers (which are hilarious, by the way).

http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/
I love this site because it is spot on. We have all overheard someone in the next cubicle or office that makes you turn your head like a beagle asking for a Beggin’ Strip. Dogs don’t know it’s not bacon. This collection of overheard conversations is worth a chuckle or two. Search by city, you might have been quoted.

Other distractions

If you ever want to lose track of your day make sure to get a Gmail account. Gmail is just AIM for grownups. You’re digitally shooting the shit with the few friends you kept up with enough to get their e-mail addresses. Anyone who doesn’t have a Gmail account hates America and progress.

www.pandora.com
If you like music then you will like Pandora. The only drawback to Pandora is the number of times I have had to give my stations a thumbs down. Overall it’ll keep you humming your favorite tunes all day. You just enter the name of an artist or song and then you’re ready to rock. Just don’t disturb your neighbors by singing any Lady Gaga. If you want to create your own playlists, try www.groovesharklite.com.

http://keubedykeu.blogspot.com/
I have just wasted 10 minutes of your day. You’re welcome. Keep on comin’ by and be a follower. It’s cool to follow.


Thanks for reading. Peace.

I forgot how to add thanks to trash tv

One of my roommates is a HUGE fan of junk TV. This is the kind of tv that makes you forget things because you are losing brain cells. The other day I walked past the tv in our living room and I'm pretty sure I forgot how to add. Now, I'm not judging anyone for watching these shows (yes I am), I'm merely saying: it would be a nipply day in Hell for me to sit down and enjoy any of these shows.

American Idol:

I'm gonna be honest, this show is more ridiculous than a Sarah Palin shopping spree. The judges on this show are caricatures. I'm pretty sure Paula Abdul died at some point but came back as a short circuited Terminator. I used to have dance parties with my sisters to her jams (I dare you to judge me). Now I look at her and fear what Skynet is up to. Does anyone remember the video of her with the cartoon wolf? It was AWESOME!

I'm not sure who that other chick is so she gets to escape me for today.

Randy was in Journey. I respect him.

Simon must have a lifetime supply of V-neck t-shirts. He has moobs (man-boobs) yet he still rocks the baby tee. Why are his arms always crossed? Maybe he is just keeping his nip nips warm. I think it's funny that he is the final word on everything. These poor insecure singers are hanging on his every word. It will be a sad sad day when I pray for approval from a 50 year old, baby Gap t-shirt wearing British man.

I'm not gonna knock the contestants, much. They get out there every week and sing their hearts out. Good for them for trying. One of my coworkers sent me clips from the two finalists and I'm impressed...with one of them. Vote for Kris.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LkPS5bC1S4&NR=1

Grey's Anatomy:

I seriously used to watch this show. You know why? 'Cause my roommate and I would have girls over to watch it with us. Everyone wins! It used to be somewhat entertaining. There was a time when this show was about the medical field. I'm pretty sure that now it's a cross between Poltergeist and General Hospital. I could be wrong, but probably not. The only difference between this show and a soap opera is the time slot. Here is a summary of what I have from hear-say.

Meredith is a doctor - Meredith loves McDreamy - Meredith almost dies - Meredith gets married.

Izzy was in a men's magazine - Izzy is a doctor - Izzy fell in love - Denny died - Izzy sees dead people - Bruce Willis is a ghost.

George is a doctor - George gets married - George has a close encounter with Izzy and probably has a three-way with a ghost.

McDreamy is a doctor - McDreamy is smart - McDreamy's ex wife is hotter than his girlfriend - Addison leaves - McDreamy settles for silver medal.

That's all I know.

The Bachelor:

If ever there was a show that made a mockery of love, it was The Bachelor. A group of gold digging women vie for the affection of a rich guy. Now here's the thing. The guy is always attractive and is rich. He must be boring as hell if he can't find a wife. "I, duhhh, I have monies. Me likes boobs. Marry?" Mr. Bachelor gets to date all of these women at once and do whatever he wants and gets away with it. Congrats contestants, you have put women back 600 years. These women are competing with each other to be used by a man with money. I think Susan B. Anthony's grave just exploded.

What really bothers me about the show is that everyone falls in love. Wait. Love? Seriously? "I spent the best two hours of my life with him. We drank Santana champagne ('cause it's so crisp) on his yacht and it was magical. Then we went below and so did he." Two hours? Love. At the end of this the guy goes home with a girl and a venereal disease.




The Hills or any variation thereof:




I can sum up my feelings for this show with a short dialogue

Hey
Hi
So last night I was all tipsy on the beach and Thad saw me.
Thad saw you?
Totally
What did he say?
He was all like, "Amber, why are you tipsy? Don't you know my hair defines my emotion."
Omg!
I know! Our relationship used to be so fetch.
What are you gonna do?
I dunno, I'll probably call Trent.
Oh, do you think you'll get back together with Trent?
Probably. He is leaving for Europe next week and I kinda wanna go.
Good call.
So what are you gonna do later today?
I dunno, probably some blow.
You're bad.
Tee hee.
I haven't eaten in 3 months.
...


Thanks for reading. Peace.

my qualms with Lost characters

My original post was going to be about something else but I just had to write about this. I understand that this is thus far a Lost-heavy blog, but I can’t help it.

Things about the characters of Lost that I can no longer stand:

Let’s start with the hero – Jack. He hasn’t actually annoyed me yet. However, my girlfriend thinks he needs a haircut. “I don’t like the hair parted off to the side. He had too much fun in We Are Marshall.”

Kate. Oh Mylanta. Will someone please shoot Kate? Please!? Why is she on the show? Anytime anyone has a plan to do anything, Kate shows up and messes it up somehow. Oh, are you going to make dinner? Well I’m going to follow you and trip on wire connected to a bomb which is gonna go off and blow up the Dharma food pantry. Oops, at least I have freckles. Ughhh. In the last few episodes Kate is either crying or is frowning. Not cute, Kate, not cute. I wish she would do everyone a favor and jump into the loving embrace of the smoke monster.

Out of all the characters Sawyer is definitely still my favorite. He is the same person he was when he arrived to the island. He got over stupid Kate (after he jungle effed her) and outsmarted Dharma and became one of their own. Anyone else would have messed this up but Sawyer did it and got to live with Juliet. Not to mention that Sawyer could take almost anyone in a fist fight.

Hurley shows up when he needs to and makes a funny comment and then fades back into the jungle with a pile of Dharma Crisps and some Cola (yummm). Does anyone else think that the Dharma vans are a perfect vehicle for Hurley? It’s like they modeled it after him. The 1970 Volkswagen Hurley.

The ever enigmatic John Locke. Wowza. I would like to say that John annoys me because no one ever knows what he is doing…but I love him. He’s like a crazy uncle who is hell bent on conspiracy theories. Oh great, here comes uncle John to tell us about his time in Roswell. Don’t let him near the steak knives.

Miles is cool. He is named after Miles Davis, what more could you want?

Ben used to annoy me. He used to annoy the hell out of me. So smug with his island knowledge. It wasn’t until John crushed his spirit that I started to appreciate Ben as just another broken soul. Do you weep, Ben? Do you weep like a willow on your goose down pillow?

Jin.is.the.man. He learned English without taking an ESL class and has totally survived on that island nearly unscathed. Other than his incessant quest to find his stupid, cheatin’ ass wife, I like him. Enjoy the picture.

Bang bang! That’s the sound of me shooting Sun. I swear if she asks “where is Jin?” one more time I’m gonna explode. We get it Sun, you’re looking for Jin. I can only imagine Sun walking around the beach at night and walking over to each group of people and saying “*sigh* I sure do miss my husband. Oh, did you know I was looking for him? ‘Cause I am. Do you know where he is?” No, Sun.

My second favorite character is Sayid. He is always there JUST when you need him. Oh shit, someone is about to shoot Jack…BANG. Sayid just shows up with guns a-blazing. He is a trained killer and really shows it. I would kill (Sun) to see Sayid and Sawyer duke it out.

Juliet. Swoon. A lot of people hate Juliet. She’s super pretentious and never really provides any useful information but there’s just something about her. I think I like her so much because Kate sucks so much. She’s the anti-Kate.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

J.J. Abrams recycles and I like it

Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle. It's cool to be green. I know it, you know it, even dogs know it. You know who really knows it though? J.J. Abrams. With his past few shows and movies I have noticed a trend - repeat actors. Let me say one thing though, that man can do no wrong. Everything I have seen directed by J.J. has been nothing short of amazing. Star Trek was like a nerdy braingasm. It kicked more ass than Uncle Phil on Jazzy Jeff. Let me stress that there are plenty of things I have not seen. Felicity, for example. Not my cup of tea but I hear good things. Well, that's what girls tell me.

A little J.J. Abrams filmography:
Star Trek, Fringe, Lost, Cloverfield, Six Degrees, What About Brian, Alias, Felicity.

Lance Reddick - Lost fans will recognize Lance as creepy Matthew Abaddon. This guy seemed to be everywhere once season 4 hit and once more in season 5. Reddick is also in the new Fox show, Fringe. I haven't seen this show or even remotely know what it's about. I just know Joshua Jackson is in it and I can't imagine it has anything to do with The Mighty Ducks so I could care less. Reddick seems to always be making the same face. I think he is actually smiling in this picture. Look at how happy he is.

Photographer: Lance, I need you to smile. Like a big smile. You just found the sweetest, cutest puppy in the world. Umm...you just fixed the economy...umm...okay. Let's try something knew. You want to kill. Hold that pose. Perfect.





Here's a real good one. Terry O'Quinn. I loved him in Old School as Luke Wilson's boss and Elisha Cuthbert's dad. For the longest time I kept confusing Terry with Randy Quaid. I don't think Terry has ever crapped in a urinal though (Kingpin). Terry started off his Abrams journey with Alias. Again, I didn't see it but I hear good things. I mean, everything Jennifer Garner has been in is good. Take Elektra for exasd;galg;. I couldn't finish typing that seriously. Terry, however, has made some awesome choices. He continued his Abrams journey with Lost. As John Locke, Terry makes you think. Most of the thoughts start off with "what the hell..." but I'll be damned if his character isn't amazing. I think you could quote anything John Locke has said by shaking a Magic 8 Ball.

Am I going to get off this island? Signs point to yes. Is Kate going to end up with Jack? Very doubtful. Is Matthew Abaddon gonna show back up to have a staring contest with Dr. Chang? You may effin' rely on it.

Extra bit of info: François Chau who plays Dr. Chang in Lost was also Shredder in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze. Uncle Phil (James Avery) was the voice of Shredder in the cartoons.

The last of this repeats gallery is Greg Grunberg. He currently stars as Matt Parkman in Heroes (not Abrams) but to his credit, he has been in more Abrams productions than anyone else. Felicity, The Catch, Lost, What About Brian, Alias, Mission Impossible 3, and Star Trek (teeny tiny role). According to IMDB, Greg and J.J. have been friends since kindergarten. I wonder if Abrams promised to let Grunberg ride his coattails in the sandpit. The most I ever promised a friend was $1,000,000 in 2010. I wrote him a check but it was to a bank where I'm no longer a customer.

Most of his movie roles are tiny like his role in Lost. He played the pilot of the flight that stranded everyone on the island and died realllllly early on (SPOILER ALERT!). Other than that he had supporting roles in Felicity and Heroes. Way to go, Greg. Way to put in 50% and bank on a friend for the other 50. 'Cause sometimes that's just good enough.





Thanks for reading. Peace.