Can you imagine how bored Jesus must have been just walking around on Earth? As God he could do anything he wanted, including but not limited to: flying, x-ray vision, super strength, invisibility, telepathy, shape shifting, teleportation, regeneration, telekinesis, super speed, and time travel. The thought of this led me to google "jesus flying." The result of this search is nothing short of astounding. There are so so so many pictures of Jesus on the internet. The best of those pictures aren't found in religious settings like one would imagine. Let's take a journey. We'll call it a walk of faith.
Here we have astronaut Jesus. Not only is he going to die for your sins, but he's going to fly to an asteroid with Bruce Willis to stop it from killing us all. Yippee kay yay, Jesus. If I were Jesus I would have asked for the non-Ronald McDonald space suit. Hope you got some chicken nuggets for the ride.
Let me set up a scene for you. Da da daaaa da daaa, da da daaaa da daa, da daaaa daaaa daaa daaaaaaaaaaa (Jurassic Park theme). The paleontologists arrive to JP as well as the kids. "You bred raptors?" Uh oh. T-Rex eats a goat. Jeff Goldblum is an idiot. Raptors start wreaking havoc. Jesus shows up and cuddles. Pterodactyl. Fin.
The last thing Jesus wants is your weak shit. Don't ball with Jesus unless you're ready to put up some points. Oh you wanna shoot on Jesus? STUFFED! What's funny is that the kids in this picture are laughing while Jesus crushes their hoop dreams. Bring the noise or take your weak ass home. Amen.
Oh hey Jesus. Looks like that cat has a longer reach than you do. The biggest difference in this picture is that Jesus is telling the world how much he loves it and the cat is saying "my nap was thiiiiiis long." You are a true prince, little cat.
There is nothing more hardcore than karate with guns. Trumped. There is nothing more hardcore than karate with guns yielded by the Lord. This Easter. The king of kings descends to hell only to come back as a grammaton cleric. Shoot not, lest ye be shot. Don't even think about bleeding on his white suit.
I pity the fool that thinks he can score on Jesus. Somewhere between the Vulcan death grip and the razor sharp halo, your ball will be destroyed. He doesn't even need a scrunchy to keep the hair out of his eyes.
Somewhere in Texas, George Bush has this hanging on his mantle. When we need a hero we call on Republican Jesus. He comes equipped with an automatic rifle, a confederate flag, and a fleet of jets at his command. He will shoot you faster than you can say gay marriage. RJ looks to the future of mankind with one eye on gas prices. Don't ask for a war unless you want this bad ass kicking down your door. With Chuck Norris has his first general, RJ is going to bomb everyone with the ferocity of a thousand Walmart moms.
There is absolutely nothing that needs to be said about the awesomeness of this picture.
Even cats love Jesus.
Thanks for reading. Peace.
